Early signs you're wasting your time

In light of that upcoming love day (or advertisers making you feel like a loser if you don't have a date day), I want to enlighten you of a some early dating warning signs that you will be wasting your time if you don't nip it in the bud immediately.

1.  If on the first date the guy shows up at your house with a box of wine when a nice regular sized bottle would have sufficed. 

First of all, the presumption there is obvious: this fella plans on getting you half in the bag and into your knickers.  There is no reason for him to gift you something that was meant for a party,  or screams "volume discount." 

2.  If leading up to your first dinner date the guy has done nothing but tell you how much he digs you, wants to be with you, has already planted one on you, and you've actually enjoyed each others' company at dinner, it can be disconcerting if he shows his ass when the bill arrives by saying, "you can leave the tip."  I don't need to tell you how tacky this is, but if this is the same person who also delivered you a jug-o-wine, ergo transparently showing his not-so-noble intentions, then just laugh gingerly and pluck down a few bucks because this is all the sign you need to know that you will not be on another date with this guy.

No need to look at him like this, just pay the tip and be done with it and him.

No need to look at him like this, just pay the tip and be done with it and him.

Put quite simply, the first time he asks you to leave the tip is the last time you go out with him.

Got it?  Good.

3.  If before going to dinner the guy left his murse behind and, of course, has to reenter your apartment afterwards.  How convenient.  This move is clearer than a glass-bottomed boat. Needless to say, do NOT open the party-sized wine (if this is the same guy) as you will surely be fulfilling his goal of making you three-sheets to the wind.  Instead have a glass of water and know that not only is your store shut down for business, but will never be open for him. 

If this guy looks like he's settling in for the night (i.e. popping open his laptop to check emails, charging his phone, removing his shoes, snuggling next to you, kissing you, etc.) and you don't know how to get him out of your apartment, just remember it's your space and simply tell him to get to steppin'.

Ummmhmmm.

4.  If after you've met a seemingly normal professional guy at an upscale restaurant and your first text exchange goes like this after exchanging pleasantries about the weather and other extraneous shit:

Him: What a day.

You: Hope it was better than yesterday.

Him: Yeah...

You: Can't be that bad.  I'm sure you still looked handsome throughout it all :)

Him: You think I'm cute?

You:  I think you know the answer to that.

Him: Do I?

You: Do you think I would have talked to you otherwise?

Him: You don't.

You: Don't what?

Him: Think I'm cute.

You: Huh?

Him: I'm confused.

You: You asked if I thought you were cute after I said you were handsome.  Yes is your answer.

Him: I don't get it.

You: Now I'm confused.

Ladies, if you come across something like this, not only should you stop communicating immediately, but you should delete this crazed insecure weirdo from your phone.

I hope you find these tips helpful.  This is a rough time for the single ladies navigating the dating world but always remember, you are not desperate, you should never settle, and you should pay every attention to early signs that indicate you will wasting your time if you spend another second with someone you clearly shouldn't be.